Why Marriages Click … or Crack

By V S Rama Rao

(25-11- 2021)

Tough question?! But I think the answer is very simple and down to earth! It’s Genuine Mutual Respect … or the Lack of it, between the partners!

Apart from the most instinctive needs like food, water and air, personal respect is the most immediate and innate human desire awakened almost immediately after birth and developed from the very early childhood. To start with it may be manifest in a child in its craving for recognition … of itself, its presence, its wants, needs, desires or preferences. It has a way of attracting attention to itself, and succeeding in having its way, either by crying or by showing its resentment or pleasure. It thus demands for ‘respect’ and fulfils its natural desire.

As the child grows this desire for recognition grows into a desire for respect which may motivate it to hone its talents and capabilities to achieve mastery and excellence in academic, artistic, athletic, or other chosen fields. In adulthood this desire may turn into a crave and act as an incentive to strive and obtain recognition in official and social positions and financial and other successes. In Marriage it seeks and expects respect and recognition from the spouse. In old age it expects living in personal dignity. Persons with no sense of self respect will deny themselves all these, and will not know the value of respecting others. Self important Egoists and self centered Egotists are that much worse, with a trait to see only “I” and not ‘eye to eye’ with others!

So, it’s Respect, Respect, Respect above all! It’s the one thing that a human craves for! It’s Respect all the way into the Life and unto the Death! And even after!

The desire for respect, though latent and reticent, is more intensive and more palpable than the desire for even love, affection, infatuation, carnal desires and pleasures. It’s an inalienable psychological, emotional, and social need for feeling and maintaining self esteem, for being relevant, for being at peace with oneself, and with others!

Love at first sight may be instinctive infatuation for the opposite gender. It may be short-lived if not momentary and fleeting. It may be one-sided and elusive. Love, especially between two adults, is an expression of ‘selfishness’; call it ‘selfish desire’ if you may. If and where it lasts longer than the first sight and first date, it may become demanding, obsessive, possessive and may even be destructive when not fulfilled with ‘respect’ anymore! It needs fulfillment of the ‘desire’, and (when not returned ‘with due respect’) may cause disappointment, frustration and anger, depression, drug addiction alcoholism and suicide, or even homicide!

But the culprit is not the Love per se, but the lack of ‘respect’ and ‘self respect’ of the individual or the persons concerned! As long as the ‘love’ is ‘returned’ with ‘due respect’ all will be hunky dory. Thus ‘respect’ is the key requirement for good and healthy human relations, for peaceful coexistence of people, or blissful partnership in marriage!

Like love, respect too cannot be one-sided; at least, not for long. It must be Mutual! Genuine mutual respect begets recognition, admiration, trust, love, affection, generosity in appreciation and magnanimity to faults, forgiveness, even self-denial and self sacrifice, and provides emotional and moral support. It’s a source of psychological peace with oneself and with others. It’s the one thing, nay the only thing that can, and will, make a Marriage Click! Anything less than Mutual respect can make a Marriage Crack!

God created two genders in distinctly different ways, in hardware, in software, in operating systems. He installed the antivirus mechanisms like the intellect and wisdom to facilitate self correction, self disinfection and self immunization. Before or after marriage, even if you are unsure about your partner in the beginning, start with ‘being’ Respectable and ‘acting’ Respectful. Note and acknowledge the ‘Respectable’ attributes in the other person (partner in the marriage). It will pave way for genuine Mutual Respect, which shall be the lifeline for any Good and Continued Relationship, especially Marriage! It is both a Catalyst and an Active Ingredient to improve and sustain the Right Chemistry between the two partners in Marriage! May the Blissful ‘Bond’ thrive with Mutual Respect!

Amen!