Why Marriages Click … or Crack

By V S Rama Rao

(25-11- 2021)

Tough question?! But I think the answer is very simple and down to earth! It’s Genuine Mutual Respect … or the Lack of it, between the partners!

Apart from the most instinctive needs like food, water and air, personal respect is the most immediate and innate human desire awakened almost immediately after birth and developed from the very early childhood. To start with it may be manifest in a child in its craving for recognition … of itself, its presence, its wants, needs, desires or preferences. It has a way of attracting attention to itself, and succeeding in having its way, either by crying or by showing its resentment or pleasure. It thus demands for ‘respect’ and fulfils its natural desire.

As the child grows this desire for recognition grows into a desire for respect which may motivate it to hone its talents and capabilities to achieve mastery and excellence in academic, artistic, athletic, or other chosen fields. In adulthood this desire may turn into a crave and act as an incentive to strive and obtain recognition in official and social positions and financial and other successes. In Marriage it seeks and expects respect and recognition from the spouse. In old age it expects living in personal dignity. Persons with no sense of self respect will deny themselves all these, and will not know the value of respecting others. Self important Egoists and self centered Egotists are that much worse, with a trait to see only “I” and not ‘eye to eye’ with others!

So, it’s Respect, Respect, Respect above all! It’s the one thing that a human craves for! It’s Respect all the way into the Life and unto the Death! And even after!

The desire for respect, though latent and reticent, is more intensive and more palpable than the desire for even love, affection, infatuation, carnal desires and pleasures. It’s an inalienable psychological, emotional, and social need for feeling and maintaining self esteem, for being relevant, for being at peace with oneself, and with others!

Love at first sight may be instinctive infatuation for the opposite gender. It may be short-lived if not momentary and fleeting. It may be one-sided and elusive. Love, especially between two adults, is an expression of ‘selfishness’; call it ‘selfish desire’ if you may. If and where it lasts longer than the first sight and first date, it may become demanding, obsessive, possessive and may even be destructive when not fulfilled with ‘respect’ anymore! It needs fulfillment of the ‘desire’, and (when not returned ‘with due respect’) may cause disappointment, frustration and anger, depression, drug addiction alcoholism and suicide, or even homicide!

But the culprit is not the Love per se, but the lack of ‘respect’ and ‘self respect’ of the individual or the persons concerned! As long as the ‘love’ is ‘returned’ with ‘due respect’ all will be hunky dory. Thus ‘respect’ is the key requirement for good and healthy human relations, for peaceful coexistence of people, or blissful partnership in marriage!

Like love, respect too cannot be one-sided; at least, not for long. It must be Mutual! Genuine mutual respect begets recognition, admiration, trust, love, affection, generosity in appreciation and magnanimity to faults, forgiveness, even self-denial and self sacrifice, and provides emotional and moral support. It’s a source of psychological peace with oneself and with others. It’s the one thing, nay the only thing that can, and will, make a Marriage Click! Anything less than Mutual respect can make a Marriage Crack!

God created two genders in distinctly different ways, in hardware, in software, in operating systems. He installed the antivirus mechanisms like the intellect and wisdom to facilitate self correction, self disinfection and self immunization. Before or after marriage, even if you are unsure about your partner in the beginning, start with ‘being’ Respectable and ‘acting’ Respectful. Note and acknowledge the ‘Respectable’ attributes in the other person (partner in the marriage). It will pave way for genuine Mutual Respect, which shall be the lifeline for any Good and Continued Relationship, especially Marriage! It is both a Catalyst and an Active Ingredient to improve and sustain the Right Chemistry between the two partners in Marriage! May the Blissful ‘Bond’ thrive with Mutual Respect!

Amen!

Our First and Last Hope for Quality Governance

V S Rama Rao

30-04-2018

The Quality of Governance depends on the Quality of Government. The Quality of Government depends on the Quality of the Collective Leadership of the Individuals Elected / Selected to form the Government, and, on the Constructive Contribution and Critical Scrutiny of the Leaders Elected to sit in Opposition.

The Quality of the Leadership of both the Ruling and Opposition, and also of the other Parties and Independents, depends on the Character of the Individuals Elected by the Polity! The Ultimate Body to Ensure this Character is the Voting Public, Enabled by the Letter and Spirit of the Representation of Peoples Act (RPA), and the Authorities Ordained and Entrusted to Implement it in Letter and Spirit, with Total Functional Freedom, and Immunity to Possible, ‘pre and post’ Influences from all sorts of Unscrupulous Parties, Individuals, and Power Wielders with Cynical and / or Criminal Minds, devoid of Moral Character.

But the Hapless Voting Public are Seriously handicapped due to the Gross Inadequacies of the present RPA, which cannot Preclude Criminal Muscle and Money Power and Evil Influences on the Functioning and Judgment of even the Strict, Honest and Upright Implementers of the Act, and also the Temptations and Threats on the Voters by Corrupt Candidates and Parties, flush with Countless Money Bags, and aided by Ruthless Goons, ready to maim or murder with Impunity. Under the Circumstances, the Quality of the Candidates, of the Electoral Authorities, and also of the Voting Public, remains a Dubious Dream, and more often than not, a Pathetic Casualty!

Thus, it is only the Quality of an Inviolable RPA and its Unbiased and Intrepid Implementation by the Authorities in the Election Commission that can form the Foundation for the Quality of Governance, by Disciplining the Political Parties fielding Candidates, and the Voters, to Permit and Elect only Quality Individuals of Character and Eminence to Represent the People and to serve as Legislators and Lawmakers, to both in Government as well as in Opposition.

Only when Manifest and Demonstrable high Quality is Prescribed with Strict Provisions in the RPA, Implemented, Enforced, and Ensured with Absolute Freedom to the Election Commission, and Consummated with a Fair Choice to the Voting Public, can we Hope for Upright, Knowledgeable, and Efficient Quality Legislators and Lawmakers, who can give us a Good Governance, and Corruption-free Development, with Manifest and Demonstrable Quality.

But alas, which Political Party, or Political Leader worth the Name, is Truly Interested and can Demonstrate Guts and Gumption to Bring about Electoral Reforms, Amending and Strengthening the RPA, to Strictly Preclude Unworthy Candidates and to Preempt Unholy Practices that Mar and Vitiate the Whole System, Before, During and After the Election Process! It is not that they don’t Know the Flaws and Weakness of the RPA, but rather Deliberately and Gleefully Use, Misuse, and Abuse the RPA, to have their Way and have their Candidates elected, by Hook or by Crook. None of these Hypocrites want to “Change” the RPA or “Chastise” themselves.

Nonetheless, if at all we Dream of Quality in Governance, our first and foremost Endeavour should be to see that the RPA and the Election Commission are Equipped with Real “Teeth”, so that the Whole System can be Comprehensively Exorcised of Unworthy Candidates and Unholy Practices, and the Sacred Election Ritual can be Ruthlessly Implemented and Religiously Consummated!

This will be our First and Last Hope for Quality Governance with Reverence to Moral Values and Professional Conduct, and Character.

Will Their Highnesses, the Political High Priests, Spare a Thought for this?!

                                               

*****

                     Generation Gap and other Gaps – Blame or Bridge?

Generation Gap is more in the Nature of the Times, Conditions and Environments that the Generations were Born and Brought up in. While any Gap may be a Natural Result of Dissimilarities, even between two Similar, Comparable, or even Contemporary Individuals, a Gap can be caused by a mixture of Self-importance, Misunderstanding, and Subjective Dissatisfaction over Unmet Expectations, etc., on the part of one or both.

True Friendship with Reciprocate Compassion Brings and Keeps Contemporaries together, while Instinctive Love and Natural Affection Bonds Two Generations. While Mutual Respect and Mutual Love nurtures the Bond, Callous Indifference and Selfishness can Shatter it, and Widen the Gap.  Any Gap so caused can be Bridged with the Conscientious Neutralization of the Causes thereto. So we must First Try to Bridge the Gap between Contemporaries, and if everyone of every generation adopts this, there will be Mutual Respect and Mutual Love and no Gaps.

But it is always Better to Prevent Gaps than Bridge them!

My 70^th Birthday Message

V S Rama Rao

            09-10-2012

They say I am Seventy!

And they want to celebrate the occasion! They want to make my day! With me among them. I dedicate this day to my children, my children-in-law, my grand children, my near and dear relatives, friends, well wishers and all my affectionate acquaintances.

They say I am Seventy. The Calendar says I am Seventy! But my mind wonders … Are You? It asks… So What! And what is the Big Deal! So many of my living friends and relatives are seventy, or more! And other elders even older!

Anybody can become seventy, or older, if only they live long enough. What matters is how much of their life did they really live? They really enjoyed. They really progressed. All of it? Some of it? None of it?

No matter what any body may say about your age and life, what matters is what Your Mind says! Did it forget the games you played in your childhood? The love and affection that was showered on you and you showered on others? Your parents, your spouse, your children, relatives, teachers, friends, colleagues, supporters and other well wishers!

As long as the answers to these questions are in the negative, you are never old! You will never be old. You may have grown, or may be growing, older by the Second, by the Hour, by the Day, by the Year, but you can never become old!

Your memories can keep you young. And happy too. Regardless of your age! But, for that, you have to lay the foundation for your old age happiness when you are still young. When you are still not old, still not that old. At least, still not This Old! It is never too late to lay the foundation for tomorrow’s happiness! No foundation is too weak if it was Conscientious. If it was purposeful. I keep strengthening my foundation even now, tomorrow, the day after, the week after, if I continue to live, and as long as I live, till the Invitation comes from my Creator!

And, what are my building materials? Clean Habits are the granite cubes that make the structure. Clean thinking is the cement that bonds. Clean dealings are the showers of water that cure and consolidate. On this foundation stands the Happy Home.  Respect for self and respect for others illuminate it. Learning and helping others learn make the doors and windows. Sensible economics and living within means make the roof. Periodical reviews and future plans cover the maintenance.

Living in this abode gives me strength. To face life’s trials and tribulations. To withstand emotional earthquakes and tsunamis. To set back behind me all kinds of setbacks. It gives me a lot of learning. Vital to Life. That you and your way of thinking alone have the power to regard adversities as trivialities. To render them fleetingly temporary. Incapable to cause any harm to you, or damage to your determined happiness. And of those close to you.

If you use your power of positive thinking you can be a tower of strength. An inspiration to your dear ones. A challenge to exceed you in happiness. In your sense of fulfillment. In the way you conducted yourself, and your life. How you counted your blessings and discounted your troubles. Without a bother or concern about the count down that may have already started.

I may be a prisoner of my birth, but I remained a free bird in all my thoughts. In most of my actions. In some of my acquisitions. In a few of my achievements. But I traveled a long way. Along the road I chose. I drove along as per the road and traffic conditions. Largely following the road signs and traffic signals. Violating a few and paying penalties. Vowing not to repeat them. Slowing down over speed breakers. And stepping down on the accelerator on straight roads. With eyes both on the road ahead, and on the rear view mirror.

I have now arrived at this destination. Safely and smoothly! But it may just be a camp. A brief halt. While I am at this current destination, all I do is enjoy reminiscences. Explore opportunities to enrich the remaining part of my life. In preparation to my journey to my final destination. Considering everyday from today as a Bonus. I want to live to nobody’s regret. And, God willing, to depart to at least somebody’s regret.

I believe if I could think and do like this, anybody can. Everybody can. All this. And more! I implore you enrich your life. And enjoy your life. As long as you long. As long as it lasts.

Thank you for being with me. And thank you for bearing with me.

I bless you! God bless you!

Withering Values! Whither Media?

We hear a lot about significant foreign stake in Indian Media. I do not know if all that is stated is 100% true or correct, but, in my opinion, a large section of the Indian Media has not acquitted itself well either ethically or professionally.

 
Who owns the media in India?

Money (of all hues, shades and colours), and Individuals (of all Characters, Leanings and Interests) own it. If Degradation in Moral Values is a Past Perfect in case of Delinquent Indian Politicians, it is the Present Continuous in case of the Over Eloquent Indian Media. It stands at the Cross Roads, and any may choose any of the directions: Committed Journalism (Fanatically Biased News), Mercenary Journalism (Paid or Advertised News), Surrogate Journalism (Individual and Party Politicians Owned / Promoted), or Cynical Journalism (Yellow and Nihilistic Propaganda). We see more Views than News. We see more Complaining than Reporting. We see more Taking Sides than the Interests of Readers. We see more Commercialism than Journalism.

 
At least, in case of News Papers, we have a consolation: Today's News Paper will be Tomorrow's Waste Paper (disposable for a farthing), but what about the time we invest on Electronic Media! They have Long Stories and even Longer Cacophony of Discussions, but an Infinitesimally Short Memory, and Virtually no Follow Up!

That is the sorry state of the Indian Media today, barring a Pathetic Minority, which still struggle with Classical Reporting, rather Pathologically!!

 
V S Rama Rao

Parenting

I feel the essence of "Right kind of Parenting" can be distilled into the following two sentences:

"We want to indulge our children but not spoil them. We want to give them the opportunities that were denied to us but don’t want them to feel entitled."

It is true that Growing Children, especially the Boys, are susceptible to Peer Pressure, which Modifies (and some times Warps) their Behaviour. I think the Parents must be Conscious and Wary of their Kids' Peers, and, if they cannot Select or (De-select) the Peers, they must, at least, try to make their own kids either Immune, or at least Resistant, to such Peer Pressures, in their formative years. They can probably do this by Instilling a Sense of Pride (without being Arrogant) in their children, in What They Are, and What They Have, and Convincing them about the Cheapness and Cowardice of Aping or Envying others! They should Equip and Counsel their kids to become Models, rather than Mimics, to others! And the Earlier (the Parents Start this Exercise), the Better!!

V S Rama Rao

Truth – Is it different to different people?

It is a popular perception that "Truth does not change". I have no problem agreeing with it but I feel that the connotation that "Truth has only one meaning" cannot be applied universally, as, a "Meaning” may be only "Subjective" and not always "Objective”. I think Truth is essentially what one Believes. No Fact, Reality, or a reported Existence, Occurrence, or Happening can be regarded as "Truth", unless one "Believes" its existence, evidence, or an inference drawn from it. However, all “Beliefs” need not be “Rational”, or “Logical”. They may not even demand for Evidence or a Basis. “Beliefs” that may not have any element of “Truth” may include Superstitions, propagandized Miracles, unquestioned Customs and Practices, irrational Acceptance of Sleight of Hand Tricks, by a Conjuror. For some, they are the "Incontrovertible Truth", while others may regard these very things as “Dubious”, at best, and at worst, as “Rubbish”. The “Truth” may be somewhere, or, nowhere, depending upon the degree of “Belief”!

Thus, regardless of a “Fact”, “Truth” may be different for different people, and I may also add, different at different times and in different contexts, and, even for the same person in different states of mind! While “Fact” may be “Real”, “Truth” is just a “Belief”. I may add my own analogy: “Facts” are like Arithmetical Results (e.g. 2+2=4) that are absolutely verifiable, “Trust” is like Trigonometry based on facts and figures and, fairly verifiable, “Faith” is like Integral Calculus regarded as fairly dependable, and “Belief” is like Theory of Probability, which may prove either right or wrong.

Now, Do You Believe Me?!?